I had a baby

I haven’t posted on this blog in over a year and a lot has happened since then, as the title suggests. I just reactivated this blog as I’d like to write about my pregnancy and birth story, and also about my feelings surrounding pregnancy and motherhood after infertility. Spoiler: they’re very complicated.

I got pregnant in August and I gave birth to my son almost three weeks ago. Wow. What a whirlwind.

I hope reactivating my blog will encourage me to write and talk about my feelings, but I guess we’ll see. Wish me luck.

For now, I’m debating whether or not I should change the name of this blog. Part of me feels like it’s still appropriate because I am still dealing with the feelings I had before I got pregnant. Those thoughts and feelings run deep and I don’t think I’ll ever let them go, but I also don’t want to be insensitive to my sisters who are still battling infertility. I know how annoying “success” stories are.

Should we do another IUI?

TWW I swear. I have been asking myself this question nearly every day for the last couple of months … should we? Should we do another IUI?
Will it be different this time? I feel much better equipped this time?
Are we ready? Mentally? Financially? Are we REALLY ready?
I honestly don’t know.
Continue reading Should we do another IUI?

An honest infertility rant

25158481_1617136201713983_4906375168671975182_nI haven’t posted on here in AGES, and it’s mostly because I have been in such a bad mood lately about my infertility. I started this blog as kind of a digital diary. A place I could come to in a few years (after I’d hopefully conceived successfully) and reflect on everything it took to get me to where I was the day I would read this. Continue reading An honest infertility rant

Mexico 2018

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So happy to be at Chichen Itza. This was a bucket list moment for both of us.

Infertility is draining: mentally, physically, emotionally, and most of all, financially. Especially if you’re one of the lucky few, like me, whose insurance companies refuse to cover anything and you have to pay for everything completely out of pocket. Yeah, that sucks, but I digress. So, I bet you’re all wondering how we afforded a trip to Mexico when our infertility treatments had drained us financially. Well, we started to save to IVF a little while ago and we used the money to go to Mexico instead.

Wait. What?

Continue reading Mexico 2018

What I dislike about the online infertility community

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Going through infertility is extremely lonely. Even if you have a great support system in place. Friends and family are great, but unless they’ve experienced infertility themselves, sometimes their words of encouragement can fall a little short. I mean, what do they know? They’ve never gone through any of this.  Continue reading What I dislike about the online infertility community

Keto update: Week Five

800px_COLOURBOX15668356 I experienced my first whoosh this week. At last!

I have been waiting for this to happen. Very patiently, I might add. And my patience has finally paid off. I’m down 5lbs. Just like that. I actually didn’t believe my scale this morning and jumped on and off of it several times to make sure my eyes weren’t deceiving me. I even moved it around my bathroom floor, just in case I hit an uneven spot and it threw off how my weight was dispersed. But every time, that 5lbs was nowhere to be found.

Continue reading Keto update: Week Five

Fertility must be nice

4db31aae9df24c778435a5f83d6b141bI think about this from time to time. How nice it would be to be fertile. To look over at my husband and say, “let’s have a baby.” Plan everything out and get a positive pregnancy test, just like that. Just like it’s supposed to be. Just like it should be, right?

I think about this a lot. Especially when I hear other women planning their families. They’ll talk about when they want to have kids, how many they want, and when they’re going to start trying. And I can’t help but think about my own conversations that I’ve had in the past. Similar conversations. Conversations that occurred, where in my mind, I was fertile. And let me tell you, it WAS nice. Fertility was an absolute dream.

Continue reading Fertility must be nice