Happy New Year, everybody! I hope you all had a safe and happy New Year’s Eve and hopefully a not-too-hungover New Year’s Day. JC and I had a quiet night in watching movies. Like I said in my previous post, we just weren’t feeling the holidays this year. I don’t think it was necessarily from all of the infertility stuff. I think it was more of a culmination of other things going on in our lives. We suffered some big losses the year before and I think the reminder that the year was coming to a close and the constant reminders to reflect the bad year we had just left us both feeling a bit unenthused about it all. That’s not to say we didn’t have some really great moments in 2017 because we had a couple, but I would definitely say the bad seemed to resonate with us a little more.
But here we are. 2018. A new year and a fresh start, right? A time for some new resolutions. Which I do usually make, though am not always quick to share. For 2018, I’d like to read at least 20 books, which is a resolution I make pretty much every year, so I’m not entirely sure if it counts. The resolution I was most excited to make this year was to travel more.
I love travelling and my husband and I like to travel a couple of times a year. But we really couldn’t afford to go anywhere last year will all of the fertility stuff we were paying for. We ALMOST took a last minute trip to NYC, but opted to do another IUI instead. I really wish we had gone to NYC instead. At least that $3000 would have gone to something fun! Hindsight, my friends.
So, as the new year approached all I could think about was how much I wanted to get out and travel more. I really wanted to explore some new destinations this year. I really wanted to focus on myself, my health and my well-being. Infertility is emotionally taxing and you can really lose sight of yourself and what’s important to you. You kinda put yourself on the back burner and getting pregnant really takes centre stage. You lose sleep, you stress, and you make a lot of sacrifices. Especially financial ones.
We talked about potentially doing IVF this summer. A huge cost that we would have to pay for completely out of our own pockets. At first, I was on board with the idea, as it was my idea, to begin with, but as summer quickly approaches and as our little saving account starts to grow, I can’t help but feel sick over how much everything is going to cost. It is insane that they make people pay that much money for just a chance at conceiving. because IVF is never guaranteed and they actually call your first round the practice round. Practice round! So, basically, we’d be stressing/saving for two years before our practice round because I think we’d need another year to save before I would feel financially comfortable going through with it. When I think of it, it doesn’t excite me. It stressed me out and it actually really pisses me off. I think it would be a much better investment to focus on myself, my health, my diet, and lifestyle. I have already made some significant diet changes and have managed to get a few natural cycles from it (yay!). I think I’m on the right track here, and I just feel like I should keep going.
We decided we wanted to get away this March break and we both want to go somewhere warm and relaxing. We live in Canada and it’s freezing cold right. We need the heat! I really want to go to Mexico, but a few people have brought up the Zika virus.
I’m not pregnant, obviously, and I don’t know if I will be pregnant by March when we go, but what if I do get pregnant. Should I risk a trip to Mexico? Should I risk a trip anywhere, really? Because of my insulin resistance, low progesterone, and PCOS, I do anticipate a high-risk pregnancy when it happens. I anticipate that I will be closely monitored when and if things happen.
A part of me wants to take the cautious, sensible route and just stay put, but an even bigger part of me is like, “Fuck it, let’s go to Mexico!”
We deserve to go. We had a hard year.
I know it will make me feel good and will give me something exciting to look forward to. I know it’s something that we need to do. We’ve earned this.
But, I can’t stop thinking about Zika. They recommend that you abstain from TTC for at least 6 months after visiting a country affected by Zika.
I know the risk is very low, but it’s there.
Do I think we’ll be pregnant by the time I go? Honestly, no. Do I think we could be pregnant 6 months post-Mexico? Possibly, yes.
However, I already feel like we’ve let our infertility be a barrier to other experiences in life, and that has had a negative impact on our well-being. I feel like we need this right now. We need to do something fun!
We’ve discussed alternative destinations, but we both really had our hearts set on Mexico, and I don’t think we’re up for going anywhere else at the moment. Though I would welcome some suggestions.
We have an appointment with our doctor on Monday and we’re going to discuss it with him and see what he thinks before booking anything.
I have to ask though, what do you fellow TTCers think? Should we stay or should we go?