How I really feel right now

I feel like I’ve been avoiding this place because I haven’t really wanted to talk about how I am feeling on my journey right now. I have definitely hit a rough patch. I feel unmotivated, hopeless, and so incredibly frustrated. WHY AM I NOT PREGNANT YET?

I’m doing everything right. So, why hasn’t it happened yet? Also, why is everyone else pregnant around me? Seriously. I feel like I’m seeing/hearing pregnancy announcements every other day. I am not exaggerating here either. Everyone is getting pregnant, except for me.

I’ve been really quiet these last two weeks because I finally did ovulate. Mexico totally threw my cycle off and it took me two weeks of keto to ovulate. I was so happy to finally ovulate and the best part is I knew I was ovulating. I felt different. I was hopeful these last two weeks. I really was. I had a lot of symptoms and I felt like this might finally be it. Maybe I’d finally get a positive test. This time would be different.

But AF showed this morning and I am so gutted.

This journey has been so hard. Harder than I could probably ever put into words that would really do it justice. I am just feeling so fed-up. I’m fed-up with all the sacrifices I’m making. I’m fed-up with all of the planning that goes into TTC. I’m fed-up with the waiting and the worrying, and all of the emotions that come during that two-week wait. I am just so over it right now.

Am I going to give up though? Probably not. I know myself and I know how determined I am. I just wanted to hop on here and record how I am feeling today, in this moment. Because it’s not always “I can do this!” “I feel so empowered”. Sometimes you’re like “Fuck it, I am treating myself to a club sandwich tonight and I don’t care how many carbs are in it and I don’t care if it throws off my ovulation for a couple of days!” That is where I am at right now.

And you can guarantee I am going to enjoy my “I’m not pregnant. Again.” club sandwich tonight.

Anyway, take care friends. xo

 

Published by

Jo

Hi, my name is Jodie. I'm a 30-something teacher who loves writing, reading, watching movies, and hanging out with my husband and our two pugs Rocky & Rosie. x

6 thoughts on “How I really feel right now”

  1. Hiya, found you blog searching for #pcos. I am essential in the same situation. 28, teacher, pcos, ttc. I’m also trying keto.

    This blog post felt like something I wrote myself. I deleted insta and fb because of all the pregnancy annoucements. It sucks.

    Hope keto works out for you. It does seem extreme, and I held back for quite a while before doing it. I just started on the 1st. But it does seem to work. Are you doing bbt to track ovulation or opks?

    Like

    1. Hey, Thanks for commenting!

      I was also very hesitant about keto, but it’s been the only thing that has regulated my period. I’ve tried everything else.

      I track my BBT using an Ovusense monitor. OPKs never worked for me. I’d get so many positives. It was very confusing. I think I am going to use both for this upcoming cycle though. I feel like my hormones are a lot more balanced now.

      Yeah, I’ve deleted FB before. Contemplating taking another wee break.

      How do you like keto?

      Like

      1. I had to google Ovusense monitors. And now I am thinking about getting one! I have had a terrible time with OPKs.

        So far with Keto I have lost 15lbs in 18 days, so I would say it is working. I can’t really believe it. It took some getting used to, it was hard to get myself to eat so much fat. But I haven’t had any sugar cravings, so I’m happy for that.

        I also cut out eggs and dairy because I have a histamine problem and it has helped with that as well.

        Like

      2. Wow! You’re doing amazing. My weight loss has been very slow and steady, with a few stalls here and there. I could probably cut back more on the dairy, but I really struggle with non-dairy alternatives in my area. We just don’t have good alternatives and a lot of the keto recipes I make, call for some form of dairy. I try and keep my dairy light, but I would eventually like to cut it out entirely.

        Ovusense is amazing. I seriously suck at temping and OPKs aren’t reliable enough for me. It’s expensive, but I think it’s worth it.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I went through this exact phase, it’s exhausting and heart breaking. I know there is nothing anyone can really say to ease the pain, so I’ll just say you are strong, and you guys WILL get through this, but allow yourself to feel the way you feel. Sending all the positivity your way 💚

    Liked by 1 person

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