I feel like I’ve been avoiding this place because I haven’t really wanted to talk about how I am feeling on my journey right now. I have definitely hit a rough patch. I feel unmotivated, hopeless, and so incredibly frustrated. WHY AM I NOT PREGNANT YET?
I’m doing everything right. So, why hasn’t it happened yet? Also, why is everyone else pregnant around me? Seriously. I feel like I’m seeing/hearing pregnancy announcements every other day. I am not exaggerating here either. Everyone is getting pregnant, except for me.
I’ve been really quiet these last two weeks because I finally did ovulate. Mexico totally threw my cycle off and it took me two weeks of keto to ovulate. I was so happy to finally ovulate and the best part is I knew I was ovulating. I felt different. I was hopeful these last two weeks. I really was. I had a lot of symptoms and I felt like this might finally be it. Maybe I’d finally get a positive test. This time would be different.
But AF showed this morning and I am so gutted.
This journey has been so hard. Harder than I could probably ever put into words that would really do it justice. I am just feeling so fed-up. I’m fed-up with all the sacrifices I’m making. I’m fed-up with all of the planning that goes into TTC. I’m fed-up with the waiting and the worrying, and all of the emotions that come during that two-week wait. I am just so over it right now.
Am I going to give up though? Probably not. I know myself and I know how determined I am. I just wanted to hop on here and record how I am feeling today, in this moment. Because it’s not always “I can do this!” “I feel so empowered”. Sometimes you’re like “Fuck it, I am treating myself to a club sandwich tonight and I don’t care how many carbs are in it and I don’t care if it throws off my ovulation for a couple of days!” That is where I am at right now.
And you can guarantee I am going to enjoy my “I’m not pregnant. Again.” club sandwich tonight.
Anyway, take care friends. xo