I swear. I have been asking myself this question nearly every day for the last couple of months … should we? Should we do another IUI?
Will it be different this time? I feel much better equipped this time?
Are we ready? Mentally? Financially? Are we REALLY ready?
I honestly don’t know.
My IUI experiences weren’t the best. First of all, none of them worked, and second of all, how I responded to the medication was super inconsistent. I’ve re-capped this journey is a few lengthy posts, here, here, and here, if you care to read. But basically, first round I responded okay, resulted in what I now know was a chemical pregnancy. I miscarried right after Christmas (YAY). Second round, I responded well to the meds, like amazingly well, but no pregnancy. And third round was like an additional level of hell. It took FOREVER to grow one egg. I stimmed for 28 days. TWENTY. EIGHT. That’s pretty unheard of. And of course, that round didn’t work either.
So, IUIs left us broke, very sad, and no idea what to do next. This was just over a year ago. It was also around that time that I decided to focus on my treating my PCOS and getting myself as healthy as possible. I have come to realize that I am a very goal-oriented person. I like setting goals and working to achieve them. I set myself a goal to get my cycles back up and running and restore them to a normal length. Which makes me laugh now, because, what is normal anyhow? I tried every single PCOS/fertility diet out there and finally settled on keto. I really like keto because grains/gluten do not agree with me. They are extremely inflammatory to my body and they make me SO tired and lethargic, so keto just makes sense to me now. I also read every single medical report I could, listened to every podcast, and have probably watched every single video on Youtube relating to PCOS and fertility out there, and really tried to inform myself. I took supplements, I exercised (a little. I could definitely do more. Spoiler: That’s my next goal), and really just tried to focus on healing myself and not put so much pressure of conceiving. Which I think I failed at because I’m 33 years old and I want a baby, like yesterday. The pressure will always be on for me. Unfortunately, it is not something you can just switch off.
So, we’re one year later, a little wiser, but still not pregnant. My cycles have returned, but they’re LONG. I am ovulating. I use Ovusense to confirm it, but still not pregnant. My insulin levels are great, I feel good physically. People keep commenting on my weight, both good and bad, but most people have told me I look great. On paper, everything looks great, right? But, still not pregnant.
I can’t help but ask myself after every negative test, WHY? Why hasn’t it happened yet? Is there something else wrong with me? Is it just not going to happen naturally? I have been feeling really helpless and out of control lately and I REALLY hate that feeling. It fills me with so much anxiety. Last week I called my Doctor’s office and I managed to get an appointment for this coming Monday.
I don’t even know what I want to talk to him about. I just feel like I should be talking to someone. I feel like I should be doing more than what I am doing. I feel like maybe something else is really wrong and maybe we missed something. Maybe I should go for some additional tests. And maybe I am just being paranoid. Either way, I really need to figure out what my game plan is.
I am considering asking for Letrozole again. We only tried it once and I was on vacation and my diet was pretty crappy. I didn’t respond, but I wonder if keto will help?
Another consideration is doing another IUI. It’s so tempting because it feels like we’d be really trying again. Temping and timed intercourse is technically trying, but IUIs are serious business.
I just don’t know what to do. I am going to try and go in with a level head and really listen to his advice. I think there is no harm is trying Letrozole and monitoring the cycle. I think we must just need that extra little push. I feel like my cycles are still too long. Keto has helped me significantly, but maybe I need a little something extra.
I do want to speak to him about potentially doing another IUI this summer. I think I’m ready. I feel really good with my diet and my health and I feel like we might have a better chance this time.
I’ll report back after our appointment.