I haven’t posted on here in AGES, and it’s mostly because I have been in such a bad mood lately about my infertility. I started this blog as kind of a digital diary. A place I could come to in a few years (after I’d hopefully conceived successfully) and reflect on everything it took to get me to where I was the day I would read this. Continue reading An honest infertility rant
Infertility is draining: mentally, physically, emotionally, and most of all, financially. Especially if you’re one of the lucky few, like me, whose insurance companies refuse to cover anything and you have to pay for everything completely out of pocket. Yeah, that sucks, but I digress. So, I bet you’re all wondering how we afforded a trip to Mexico when our infertility treatments had drained us financially. Well, we started to save to IVF a little while ago and we used the money to go to Mexico instead.
This one will just be a quick update because not much has changed since last week. My weight has pretty much stayed the same, give or take a pound and my diet hasn’t really changed either. I did notice that I was less hungry this week and therefore not eating as much. Continue reading Keto update: Week six
Going through infertility is extremely lonely. Even if you have a great support system in place. Friends and family are great, but unless they’ve experienced infertility themselves, sometimes their words of encouragement can fall a little short. I mean, what do they know? They’ve never gone through any of this. Continue reading What I dislike about the online infertility community
I experienced my first whoosh this week. At last!
I have been waiting for this to happen. Very patiently, I might add. And my patience has finally paid off. I’m down 5lbs. Just like that. I actually didn’t believe my scale this morning and jumped on and off of it several times to make sure my eyes weren’t deceiving me. I even moved it around my bathroom floor, just in case I hit an uneven spot and it threw off how my weight was dispersed. But every time, that 5lbs was nowhere to be found.
I think about this from time to time. How nice it would be to be fertile. To look over at my husband and say, “let’s have a baby.” Plan everything out and get a positive pregnancy test, just like that. Just like it’s supposed to be. Just like it should be, right?
I think about this a lot. Especially when I hear other women planning their families. They’ll talk about when they want to have kids, how many they want, and when they’re going to start trying. And I can’t help but think about my own conversations that I’ve had in the past. Similar conversations. Conversations that occurred, where in my mind, I was fertile. And let me tell you, it WAS nice. Fertility was an absolute dream.
To all my fellow TTCers, do you ever feel like you’re leading a secret life?
A life you don’t really talk about, or post statuses about on social media. A life that you know might make others uncomfortable or bring about feelings of guilt. A life no one really knows about except for the most-trusted people in your inner circle.
I feel like I’m pretty open about my struggles with infertility and PCOS. I have become an advocate for myself and I definitely don’t shy away from educating others on the subject, but every once in awhile I can feel myself putting my guard up and retreating back into that secret life. Continue reading My secret life